wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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