I wish I only lived at night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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