did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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