Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
