idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
