How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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