woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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