guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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