U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this just has baby written all over it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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