I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
