oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
