her vagine was all disorganized.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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