Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
