She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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