Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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