yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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