well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
