Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
