So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
