Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont even know how to be here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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