I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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