just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
