dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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