I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
