haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
