I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
