I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
