make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
