Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
