I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
