Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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