Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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