I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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