i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
