Jerry, you need to find god
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
