im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
