Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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