I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
