Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
