How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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