Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
