Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
