Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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