A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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