I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
