eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
