Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
