Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
