So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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