her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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