so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
