It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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