i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
