As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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