Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
