Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
