Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
