didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
