from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
