How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
